Monday, September 26, 2011

View From The Back

Allow me to set the scene: young Jo’burgers, in one sort of hatchback or another and I, the wincing muscle lover. Indeed, this is starting to look like a battle of the forms rather than a battle of specifics.

I do not like hatchbacks, at all. I don’t like their stubby cockiness or their Messi-esque responses; they just look a bit, well, rough. I favour lengthy elegance and flowing contours, which doesn’t leave me with much to enjoy in this age of (cringe) Hatchbacks.

I am a stubborn debater, so I write this with absolute reluctance: the new Megane is, dare I say it, rather nice.

It is not personal circumstance fuelling this erm, obsession (or is it?), I was merely pointed in the direction of this cleaner cut version. And it does look good, with less of an accentuated Derrière and more of a sleek profile, I think I have a car crush, but more than anything else, I am overjoyed that they trimmed that Kim Kardashian behind.

This leads me to the real point of this post- why are so many hatchbacks so additionally ‘blessed’ from behind? It is a marketing strategy aimed at the male vice? Or is it a trend perpetuated by deprived car designers who are appealing to their male love of ass? Regardless of the intention, there are a frightening number of these voluptuous models, some even penetrating revered fashion publications such as Bazaar and Vogue. Cue the Fiat 500 by Gucci:

Let me be clear, I did not intend this post to be a Hatchback bashing session, but I cannot swallow the arrogance of the Fiat, in fact, I am speechless (almost).

But shall I put one more bullet in this trend? I do not have to say anything at all, a picture does say a lot:

Can you hear the bass in that cockroach of an automobile? How fitting for Marlboro and Mayfair, if you’ll excuse my snobby commentary.

I don’t like hatchbacks, at all, but I do love the new Megane, and the Ford Fiesta and Focus but that is where it ends. Until those asses disappear or are reigned in, I shall slander.

Yes I am being an ass, but that also sums up your car.

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