Wednesday, April 25, 2012

Screw The Snow, Bring On Some Summer Lovin'

So winter is upon us in the Southern Hemisphere and yes, it isn't nearly as harsh as the Winters of our European and erm, Canadian counterparts but it is bloody cold nonetheless. South Africa is generally a warm place, and not just by the weatherman's standards. We've got the sun on our faces, giving some a sunkiss (terribly sexy) and others, a sun snog (make no mistake, not as glamorous as you might think). But Winter...not a happy place for us. Firstly, the Winter range in South African stores makes me think that the fashion powers that be have no concept of the word Functionality. Yes Sir, that utility jacket is very sexy indeed, but is it WARM? No you say? Well then take your R1.5k price tag and F*** off. Enough of my anti-positivism BullSh** (note: not Pessimism, but not Optimism either), let me shed some light and warmth on the topic of Summer fashion and its impact on the inner Happy Place. Wayfarers.
(Ray-Ban Classic Wayfarers) Beach hair as per the Beach Hair Internation Ambassador; Gisele.
One-Piece Swimsuits for the sophisticated individual. Or not.
Crushed Ice...on abs. I LOVE SUMMER. BRING IT BACK. DAMMIT. Please note: My next post will be an ode to Winter and the sharp dressers who make it bearable. Just because i can. Not a hypocrite, a woman.

Thursday, April 5, 2012

The Art of Classy Dress- What To Choose

I am fairly certain that I was mistaken for a mall hobo, talking to garments and what not. Oh Lord, help me with this decision, please. I promise I’ll never wear my stretched Abercrombie & Fitch jerseys ever ever again, just offer some assistance here.

There I was- stuck between the proverbial rock and the hard, shiny floors- facing a dilemma I’m sure so many others are familiar with. The price was the same for both, the style was the same, hell, and the friggin’ appeal was the same on both of them, DAMN YOU ZARA, seriously.

Allow me to share my burden-

Two blazers, one in a deep purple and another in a bottle green. Both have the risk of looking silly and both are potential showstoppers. I swear, I could have died from indecision (this is a condition not unlike indigestion, only this terrible phenomenon occurs when the vulnerable shopper’s insides bind together and thereby push one’s heart into one’s throat until a decision is made. NB: symptoms can last for a week after the purchase is made).

This brings me to the point of my post; on this road to the fashion equivalent of ConCourt, what and how do you choose the statement pieces in your wardrobe?

Let’s break it down:

1. Statement pieces are either seasonal trend statements or classic showstoppers; your choice is dependent on whether you’re going to keep the piece (classic) or if you’re going to sell it off when the trend storm has passed (seasonal).

2. Are you a conservative dresser who expects the pieces to work on you or do you work the clothing you wear? The former should never wear controversial statement pieces, the outfit is bound to swallow you up and instead of being a fashionable person you will be forever known as the outfit with a sorry excuse for a model. Now if you’re of the latter, LESS IS MORE, not even Mr. Lagerfeld can work a full outfit of statements. You’re a person, not a mood board.

3. Lastly, is the fit superb? If the fit of a piece is amazing, believe me, it can be made from Hessian. Goodness, it could be made from elephant shit and people would still swoon.

And that, is the first of many breakdowns (boo hoo). I know I’m a bit of a fashion snob; it isn’t my fault, blame Coco, Yves, Peter, Diane, Vivienne and Christophe. No, blame it all on Mother Dearest who made sure that the fundamental decencies of fashion were parcelled out unequally, with her youngest given the most. Thank you Mama, I promise I won't let anyone dress like a slut.