Tuesday, October 23, 2012

A Word To The Guys: A Diagnosis

Every girl knows the burning sensation to cringe when she sees a fairly good looking fellow, dressed terribly. If we could wish for anything at all in that moment, it would be to send him into Lagerfeld's closet and pray that he emerges with a better sense of style. But since the world is far from perfect, I would like to make it clear to the okes on what is acceptable, and what is not. 

1. The ill-fitting suit jacket (male conveniens sectam)

By far the most off-putting anything a guy could wear is a suit jacket that hasn't been tailored. Think Steve Carrel in Crazy, Stupid, Love before The Gos turns him into a pimp-of-note.

A word to the guys though: While an untailored jacket may be the death of your game for sure, so can the gym bunny syndrome, also known as the TOO tailored suit jacket (nimis arcta sectam) as seen on Morningside gentleman all over. 

2. The patent leather clown shoes (splendida maccus calceamenta)

Worn by the likes of Kenny Kunene, and other Capitalist retards, the clown shoe has to go. Style does not fall into the laps of the wealthy, and it certainly does not come in the form of eye-catching footwear that would make Mr. Jackson blush. 

A word to the guys though: Sure, patent leather shoes can be a sure-fire way to drive off respect, but the damage will be far worse to both your game and career if you choose to don the unpolished sebago (impolita calceus) to work. 

3. The Fly-Eye Shades (volare oculus vitra)

These sunglasses can be found EVERYWHERE unfortunately. I'm sure you know the type. He wears muscle tees (see #4), rocks clown shoes (see #2) and then finishes it off with those terrible, terrible rimless shades that make him look like he's a part of an Anastasia come-back tour. If you own a pair, burn them. Now.

I have no word to the guys on how they could do worse than these shades. Nothing, I promise you, NOTHING will ruin your game, the respect you wish to command in your career and the outfit you may have thought out rather well than bug-eye shades. 

And lastly, an ode to the guy who proved to be a perfect example of how  money doesn't buy style, Mr. Kunene. We salute you, money may not buy you style, but apparently it doesn't ruin your game. Even if you've got a permanent bow-tie.

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