A Word To The Guys: A Diagnosis

Every girl knows the burning sensation to cringe when she sees a fairly good looking fellow, dressed terribly. If we could wish for anything at all in that moment, it would be to send him into Lagerfeld's closet and pray that he emerges with a better sense of style. But since the world is far from perfect, I would like to make it clear to the okes on what is acceptable, and what is not. 

1. The ill-fitting suit jacket (male conveniens sectam)

By far the most off-putting anything a guy could wear is a suit jacket that hasn't been tailored. Think Steve Carrel in Crazy, Stupid, Love before The Gos turns him into a pimp-of-note.

A word to the guys though: While an untailored jacket may be the death of your game for sure, so can the gym bunny syndrome, also known as the TOO tailored suit jacket (nimis arcta sectam) as seen on Morningside gentleman all over. 




















2. The patent leather clown shoes (splendida maccus calceamenta)

Worn by the likes of Kenny Kunene, and other Capitalist retards, the clown shoe has to go. Style does not fall into the laps of the wealthy, and it certainly does not come in the form of eye-catching footwear that would make Mr. Jackson blush. 

A word to the guys though: Sure, patent leather shoes can be a sure-fire way to drive off respect, but the damage will be far worse to both your game and career if you choose to don the unpolished sebago (impolita calceus) to work. 

3. The Fly-Eye Shades (volare oculus vitra)

These sunglasses can be found EVERYWHERE unfortunately. I'm sure you know the type. He wears muscle tees (see #4), rocks clown shoes (see #2) and then finishes it off with those terrible, terrible rimless shades that make him look like he's a part of an Anastasia come-back tour. If you own a pair, burn them. Now.

I have no word to the guys on how they could do worse than these shades. Nothing, I promise you, NOTHING will ruin your game, the respect you wish to command in your career and the outfit you may have thought out rather well than bug-eye shades. 

And lastly, an ode to the guy who proved to be a perfect example of how  money doesn't buy style, Mr. Kunene. We salute you, money may not buy you style, but apparently it doesn't ruin your game. Even if you've got a permanent bow-tie.

The Online Haunts: Where To Shop Now

Remember the days when a shopping trip meant having a car with ample trunk space, biceps worthy of an Iron Man nomination and the mental focus of a NASA researcher? Gone are those days ladies, and gone are those criteria. Online shopping has become the new high end mall, but how do you choose which site to use? I've broken it down for the beginners based on the site's product range, price range and accessibility.

Moda Operandi: The Groundbreaking Site

Founders:
Aslaug Magnusdottir & Lauren Santo Domingo

Price Range:
about $200 and up, dependent on trunkshow designer.

Product Range:
Off the runway collections. No really, within days of the Spring 2013 shows, Moda had the full collections, fresh off the runway, ready to be ordered.

The Lure:
It's a scientific fact that women love sales, and Moda capitalises on that by limiting their trunkshows to a few days. If you knew that you only had a week to get the Josh Goot leather jacket you saw on the runway, chances are that you'd spend your guap with light-speed.

In the past, women had to wait months for runway collections to hit the stores, and many a fashionista was broken with the disappointment of her favourite piece being unavailable due to the taste of the buyer. Moda makes buyers slightly obselete and eliminates them from the process- and in a terribly Democratic manner- giving the power to the people.

ASOS: To The Street!



Founder:

Nick Roberstson

Price Range:

around $25 and up

Product Range:

the ASOS brand's various ranges, with sales erupting on the site every now and again.

The Lure:

Moda and Net-a-Porter cater for the more sophisticated fashionista, the accomplished, WEALTHY, terribly tasteful shopper who has more than enough time to sift, and even more money to burn. ASOS is made for a much wider market, namely, the young guns who don't have the money to buy overpriced designer goods, but don't want to be caught dead in something substandard.

Also, while it would be perfectly possible for the shopper to find edgy pieces on either Moda or Net-a-Porter, the chances are still a lot slimmer in comparison to the ASOS range. What Nick and his team have managed to do is provide a range so wide, so that the up and coming fashionista finds no problem in purchasing basics, but also, deisgning their ranges with trends in mind, thus making statement pieces accessible, and more importantly, affordable.

Net-a-Porter: The Megastore

 

Founder:

Natalie Massenet

Price Range:

around $200 and up.

Product Range:

High End only, but with selected pieces as chosen by the buyers. Net-a-Porter is a designer department store (oxymoron if there was ever one) but also, with a limited time on ranges per season (albeit a less riot-evoking one).

The Lure:

Being able to browse the ranges, filtered either by designer or style, Net-a-Porter's lure is the polar opposite of Moda's. By making their site a combination of designers on one page instead of single trunkshows like Moda, Net-a-Porter has found a niche somewhere between the overdone department online store, and the exclusive designer online alley of wonder.

These online shopping sites have made productivity even more unattainable, with women all over the world drooling over their screens and hitting the "checkout" button over and over. but hey, let these sites be the debt of us. Free delivery doesn't hurt either...



The Miss Dior Legacy; Actors Only

What makes the Dior Woman? Charm? An unaffected sense of self? Or an acting accolade? It seems that the Dior Women are mostly of acting stock (with Miss Moss being the stark exception) which brings me to the conclusion that the Dior Woman is

• a celeb, hounded by the paparazzi
• pulls off the cat-eye VERY WELL 
• and almost always has an edge which sets her apart from the rest of the Hollywood "I've-Got-An-Oscar" Kitties

The question is not whether Miss-Dior-To-Be Jennifer Lawrence has the acting credibility to be graced with the Dior brand, but whether she'll be able to live up to the name of the Dior Woman. Looking at the more memorable Dior girls, she's got tall heels to stand on.

Mila Kunis: The Funny Girl Next Door Who Looks Like A Super-Spy

Reign: Autumn/Winter 2012/13

CTF: That 70s Show; Forgetting Sarah Marshall; Friends With Benefits, Black Swan

Trend: Mila is a sharp tongued woman, unashamedly funny and yet still sends out a strong feminine image which is a clear component of what makes a Dior Woman.

Marion Cotillard: AKA Lady Dior

Reign: Fall 2011

CTF: The Dark Knight Rises,

Trend: Marion brings a dark beauty to the Dior stage and her look magnifies the intrigue and mystery a Dior Woman often possesses. Marion falls into an elite category taking on the role of Miss Dior as well as Lady Dior, a feat of note.

Kate Moss: The Dior Addict Ambassador

Reign: Undefined as the face of Dior's Addict Lipstick

CTF: Supermodel of note. Queen of Grunge-Chic. Cat-eye Extraordinaire.

Monica Bellucci: The Dior Campaign Overachiever

Reign: Rouge Dior, Dior Hypnotic Poison Parfum, DiorShow Iconic Mascara, Miss Dior, Dior Skin

Big shoes to fill Jenny. Pretty big shoes...

The Vogue Editors' Club

The Fashion media industry is brutal from the get-go, don't let the designer-ware lull you into a false sense of security or you'll end up being spat out like the hundreds of other mediocre girls and boys who 'loved fashion'. Most like to believe that Love is enough to keep you there, but the women of the Vogue empire have proven that in this day an age, the difference between chiffon and tulle is the least of one's worries after reaching the top.

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Dragon #1: Vogue USA's Anna Wintour (AKA the devil in Prada)

Age: 63

Reign: 1988-present

Trademarks:

1. Criticising celebrities

eg. Telling Oprah to lose weight and Hilary Clinton not to wear a blue suit for their Vogue cover shots.

2. Being a creature killer and one of  PETA's  pet peeves.

** Anna is a political ally for the Democrats and serves as a key fundraiser for the party. Remember this the next time you read about the Obamas.

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Dragon #2: Vogue Italia's Franca Sozzani (the fashion media powerhouse)

Age: 62

Reign: 1988-present

Trademarks:
Being a fashion minority activist

eg. "The Black Issue" dedicated to black women to (finally) celebrate their beauty and the 2011 launch of Vogue Curvy, catering for the plus-size fashion community.



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Dragon #3: Vogue UK's Alexandra Shulman (the underdog who broke the editor image mould)

Age: 54

Reign: 1992-present

Trademarks:

Being the least 'fashionable' Vogue editor and still hitting all the right spots, even controversially.

eg. The mirror-cover of The Millennium Issue which became the highest selling Vogue issue ever.

Publishing pictures of an emaciated Kate Moss dubbed "heroine chic" causing an uproar in the fashion community.

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Dragon #4: Vogue France's Emmanuelle Alt (the 'newbie')

Age: 45

Reign: 2011-present

Trademarks: 

Being Carine Roitfeld's successor.

Being one of the youngest Vogue editors currently, and being one of the edgiest editors in terms of fashion sense.

eg. Her signature blazers, skinnies and heels.

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This one's for the little girls dreaming of the top positions in the fashion media industry. Call it inspiration or call it ambition through intimidation, you have to admit, the Vogue Editors' Club is elitist in the most alluring way.

images courtesy of tommy ton, vogue italia, the guardian uk, iwanttobearoitfeld.com